Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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