I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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