I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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