why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
