Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i drank out of a bidet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
