life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
