Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
