Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
