tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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