That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
