Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize