I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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