if i died would you start the facebook group?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
