Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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