and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
