Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
