my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
