party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
