brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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