my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
