Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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