ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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