he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
