What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
