i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
