my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
