she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
