took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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