I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
