I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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