bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
