Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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