He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
