I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
