You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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