she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He passed out mid-signature
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
