ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
