5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
