Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
