I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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