Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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