i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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