You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
