Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
