to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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