and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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