nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
