i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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