Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My vagina just clenched in fear
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
