sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
