Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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