i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
