I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize