What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
