This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
