We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
