cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
