I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize