woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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