Where did you get a picture of my penis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My vagina is officially offended.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
