I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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