I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
why is half of my head shaved?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
