No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
