Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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