Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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