why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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