I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
