idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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