i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We got so high we made milksteak
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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