It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
