hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
