I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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