He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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