oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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