i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
