In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize