My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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