oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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