TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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