had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
