she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your dad touched me again.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
