I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
